just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My penis needs a shock collar
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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