I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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