He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
