Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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