Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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