Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
