Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
