This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
