Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
