i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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