I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
