She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
