Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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