Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
