how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
