I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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