My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
