Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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