tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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