haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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