If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
