i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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