wakey wakey hands off snakey
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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