Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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