If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
