you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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