last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
