remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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