Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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