got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I didn't notice because vodka
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
