it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
