So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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