so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
