fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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