For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
