you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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