I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
