I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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