just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
