he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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