Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
