Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
