i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
