she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
