Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize