Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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