I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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