I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
