So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
