he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
