yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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