Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
