So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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