You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
