You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
