Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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