She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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