you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
