Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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