If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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