Just cropdusted the office
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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