i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
and you fell through a lawn chair
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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