Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
